By Albert Nyakundi Amenya aka Banana Peddler.
My dearest Wife,
I still trust you are as beautiful as always. Firstly, allow me to drench you with unstinting water of accolades on your new appointment at State House. I have said times without number that if a woman is beautiful, has an IQ of 170, a functional brain, a vagina and a warm smile, she can own the world. You are not an exception sweetheart. The greatest advantage you have over other girls is that you speak with a deep conviction. In fact, for those who don’t know my ‘wife’ Kanze, she is more attractive in person that in photographs and on TV.
You see sweetheart, in your twenties, with such a slim and provocative figure and endearing enthusiasm, I knew you would conquer the world. Beloved Kanze, I readily made myself aware long ago that with your exotic look, sloe eyes and high cheekbones, and soft honey coloured long hair which you always wear simple especially during Citizen Nipashe, you would heal the world and make it a better place. That is the discovery I decided to keep to myself.
My dear, I want to thank my Gusiiland ancestors for helping me win you after the first love letter that I penned to you. I remember that that time I was the most eligible bachelor in town. I remember the first time I met you in town, I was absolutely discombobulated. I was studying you admiringly especially after realizing how knowledgeable you are about a range of subjects. I enjoyed your company tremendously.
You took my hands in yours and said softly, “Thank you for the beautiful letter sweetheart.”
Everytime I looked at you puzzled and saw an extraordinarily honest and intelligent lady with an idyllic upbringing. Thanks to your late father. He was a handsome man, a patrician and intellectual. He was a caring father and saw to it that his family holidayed and travelled together. Your father adored you.
Everyone said you were daddy’s girl. He would tell you how beautiful you looked and compliment you on your academic achievements, you behavior and friends. You could not do wrong in his eyes. But one day in a split of a second, your wonderful life vanished. News reached you that your dad had given up the ghost. To you, each word of it was a sharp knife. May the great man rest in peace. How I wish he was around to celebrate with you.
But dearest, there is one thing I should warn you against nevertheless. There is one fact that will never change. Despite your good job with a jumbo salary, you are still the wife of a Banana Peddler. Despite your millions, I am still the man of the house. And you know how we Gusii men don’t tolerate disrespect from our wives. But I know you were well roomed from infancy.
I have always known that you are an apostle of democratic governance and change. The enthusiasm and passion you have shown while at Citizen TV are proof positive of your commitment to assist the president now that the people he surrounded himself with have failed. My dear, as you resume your duty at the Presidential Communication and Strategic Unit Deputy head, always tell the President the truth. Tell him that Kenyans need good and safe roads, schools, functional hospitals and drinkable water. Tell him they are tired of living in darkness or in fear of their neighbours. These are the universal needs across the country; from Lodwar to Mombasa, Kisumu to Mandera.
Beloved Kanze, tell your boss that every year national government allocates huge amounts of money to the abovementioned needs. Strange thing is Kenyans only see the allocations on television. Even our economy has little or no evidence to show from such injection. Somehow, the allocations or whatever part of it that is released gets spent. Politicians and their cronies are satisfied. Contractors are happy. But nothing changes for the common Mwananchi. His needs keep mushrooming.
Since no help seems forthcoming, dissatisfaction and suffering increases as well. Nobody in government cares about this. Ask him why nobody gets punished for taking what belongs to the people. The people are voiceless. Only the vulturine political class is happy.
Tell Uhuru time is running out for backward nations like Kenya to come to their senses or risk deeper poverty, unending strife and perpetual enslavement. Tell him it is not the oil discovered in Turkana that will develop Kenya and lift us out of the poverty hole. Happy human beings working under the right environment will do it.
Ask the President why his government allows a system that keep hiring incompetent employees that do little work and not putting checks and balances to arrest those stealing public funds. Ask him the roles of Eliud Wabukala at the helm of EACC. Ask him whether the job Wabukala and his CEO Halake Wako do, deserves the three million shillings they take home at the end of every month.
Baby girl please ask the President what is government is doing to create jobs even as our universities keep producing graduates that even idiots agree are unemployable. Ask him why universities are being created and approved everyday when the existing ones are the exact opposite of what they should be? Ask him why we keep clinging to Western education yet the system has failed even in Western countries.
I felicitate you my ‘wife.’
Yours beloved Hubby, The Banana Peddler
(The writer sells Bananas in the streets of kisii town)