A Cadre of women who deserve a dose of tough love rant that hopefully will knock some sense into their skulls are the house wives.
A woman can be a house wife owing to a number of reasons; some men do not prefer working class women out of personal insecurities, she might have lost her job or some have nada skills or talent for anything and so have resigned to taking care of the house full time.
Being a house wife is not something to frown about as much as I may not encourage it because people have different struggles. Here though is my issue with most of them.
A clique have a phobia for hygiene, both personal and the general house cleanliness. If they are lactating, they will smell of baby poop with a huge map of Angola on their blouses thanks to breast milk leaking like IEBC memos.
Hubby enters the house and is welcomed gleefully by a dirty sufuria on the door and the pungent odour of soiled napkins kept under the bed.
Some do not even shower, they spend the entire day exercising their innate strength which is gossiping with other lazy house wives and house helps. They know who last cooked Nyama two week ago, who wears poorly designed vitenge, who is sleeping with the butcher man, who has procured abortions and when you come home at 9 PM is when she is struggling to make dinner and you wonder, what was she doing the whole day!
Speaking of food, you leave five hundred bob for meals and you find Sukuma for supper, she uses the rest to buy bundles and chat the whole day on Kilimani mums and other stupid chama WhatsApp groups where money matters constitute only 6% while the rest of the discourse is on abusing husbands.
“Hiki ki nugu kangu hata kinafikirianga kama shoste anatiwa rasa, imagine kimeleta sister yake ati aishi na sisi, kazi ni kukula na kufirwa na majirani, haezi osha sahani” and the rest of battalion with hot cow dung for brains reply with laughing emojis.
She forgets that you are educating her four siblings and sending money to her mother every month but catches feelings when you bring one relative over.
They’re also the petty lot who will deny you your conjugal rights when you are not financially buoyant e.g when you are servicing a loan, they become easily irritated, emotionally abusive and juvenile.
If she denies you mali yako because mwezi iko kwa corner na huna pesa ya salon ama ya nyama, you have my permission, kula maid ama that office colleague who has been nyemelearing you and eat with no apologies.
Then there are those who are house wives but have housemaids, still they cannot lift a finger to do anything. The maid washes her under garments including those of her man, makes the meals, makes her MATRIMONIAL BED and serves her husband while she is seated warming her hairy punani on the couch. Useless women these are.
A maid MUST NEVER make your bed even if you are the CEO of Heaven or touch you or your hubby’s under garments.
She can cook but please, wacheni hii ujinga ya emancipation serve your hubby, it is an honor, it will not take away your masters or position in the corporate world… you hear team affirmative action?
And finally, because they have nothing much to do, they have unbridled primitive energy to snoop phones; they will wait for you to fall asleep to steal from your wallet and pick quarrels over the flimsiest of things. Halafu they time when you want to sleep after a long day hustling to feed her ass before she starts.
‘Wewe baba Liam, unadhani mimi ni mjinga, utumie mamako pesa na mimi sina kibeti, pesa unakula na Malaya huko nje’ then she starts crying.
And you wonder why husbands come home at 11 pm or keep gachungwas. Badilisha tabia.